All of me
by Creatureofthedark
Summary: Someone is sitting…no…laying on the bench in the park.It’s a girl.By the light of the moon,I can see her light colored hair fan around her face when she jerks up.What is she doing out here?Shouldn't she be home? You Won't Be Lonely in Raph's POV
1. Chapter 1

**When i got this idea, i was almost done writing You Won't Be Lonely. I started writing it, starting out the first chapter much the same. ****But then i lost it. i had it almost done, and i couldn't find where the files went. i had lost a few others too, but had no clue where they went or how. **

**Come to find out, my sister had accidentally moved a bunch of my files (_somehow!)_ to her side of the computer. So i'll start posting this now, though i'll be editing along the way because i wrote this a while ago.**

**Anyway, here's *Above title* in Raph's POV.**

**Ch. 1**

I hate the world. And everyone in it. Okay. Maybe there's one exception to that. I don't hate my brothers. Or Casey and April. But other than that, I hate the world, and everyone in it.

Sometimes I hate my brothers. Okay, I don't really hate them. Mostly, Leo is the one I fight with though. It's just that… I don't want them to think I'm weak, so I act strong. I love them all, but I hide it. It just makes me feel safer. Walls around me. I cover it with anger. Anger is my wall.

April and Casey are also two people I cannot hate. April is always so nice. She _did_ freak out when I saved her, but that's reasonable. I'm a giant turtle for shell's sake. But she _did_ come to accept us pretty fast. She's become a good friend, and we really appreciate all the help she gives when we need it. Which is a lot.

Casey is different. I met him while walking through New York. We became friends by fighting each other as weird as that sounds. He helped my brothers fight off the foot men after I was attacked and knocked out. He is now a friend of the family as well as April's boyfriend.

My life is pretty simple to tell. I'm a mutant turtle, a trained ninja, fighting every night for the ones who need saving. Ha. Simple to tell, hard to take in. Hard to believe too. Just ask April. Only Casey is crazy enough to accept all of that without question. Actually… he's crazy enough to do a lot of things. But that's Casey.

Anyway, you might wonder why I save the people if I say I hate 'em. There are two reasons. One more selfish than the other. One, is beatin' the skulls of the bad guys in helps a lot with my anger and aggression. Yeah. That's the selfish one. I guess I really shouldn't take my anger out on people. But some jus' deserve it.

The second, is because they deserve it. If they're the ones gettin' attacked, they deserve to be saved. If they're the ones attackin', they deserve to be put down. Justice goes both ways there. I may not care much for the people, but if you see someone in trouble, it feels… like a waste of power to not help them.

I may not be as friendly about it as my brothers, but that's the way I work. Okay. I guess it _is_ a little less calculated, controlled, and clean, but it works. I don't care if the person I save or fight is scared of me or not. I do my job and leave. It's that simple for me. It always has been.

Alright. So only half of my aggression is a cover up. The other half is me. It's just… who I am. I'm easy to anger and annoy. Especially if the thing I'm mad at is against my brothers. That's how the whole world is. They're scared of us. That's what bugs me. Just because we're not normal, they're afraid.

My brothers can be the least frightening things in the world. Take little Mikey for example. The little hyperactive freak gets on my nerves at times, but he's probably the most friendly. He loves to joke around with everyone. But me. He knows better. I _know_ he would be the happiest little freak in the world if a human talked to him without fear at first sight.

Now take Leo. The 'fearless leader' crap makes me edgy a lot. The order and obey sequence drives me crazy. But hey, he's my brother so I have to put up with it. Though we've been through our share of fights because of it. But anyway, he may be uptight sometimes, but he's also the most accepting. To a newcomer anyway. But he'd be just as happy as Mikey if a human didn't run screaming at first sight.

Then there's Don. He is one of those 'you gotta love 'em' sorta people. His calm attitude and… jus' everything about him can be described as caring. He takes care of us, patchin' us up after every fight, goin' to extensive measures to help us when needed. I know he would help a human without a second thought if they needed it. And if they stayed around long enough.

But no. All humans have to be afraid of us. Terrified of the different. It infuriates me. That's most of my anger right there. That's what the others don't understand about me. They don't understand where my anger comes from. They can't make it go away no matter how hard they try. I know they try. Leo's always sayin' crap about it.

Only a human could prove to me that my anger is misplaced. If just one human would accept us for who we are. What we are. That would take away all of my anger. That would prove me wrong. That would show me that a human could really be friends with a turtle. Could really love a turtle.

Oops. Did that just slip? Shell. Well, I guess that's it then. That's the truth. I want someone to talk to. Comfort me. Tell me it's okay sometimes when I'm freakin' out over something. Someone to hang out with. Someone… to prove to me that a human could love one of us. Or even… me.

There ya go. That's the truth. I want to be loved. I want someone to take me for who I am. I don't want anything from her. Nothin' except her heart. She could just be like a sister to us. If I ever meet her. Just her heart, time, and whatever else. I just want someone to prove to me that my anger isn't needed.

I know I'm asking the impossible. What normal girl in her right mind would even _think_ of even _talking_ to someone who looked like me? If they didn't leave at first sight, they'd run screaming because of my attitude and temper. Just like Mikey. Ha ha. No seriously though. She would. I'm not stupid. I know it's repelling.

There's also the normal female mind. There is no way a girl in her right mind would think of going for a turtle when there are all those regular guys out there. Ha. I know I'm a turtle, but do I really look that bad? I mean I'm not normal, but I think I look pretty good for a turtle. Just look at the other ones. Heh. But anyway… I will never understand humans. Or the female mind for that matter.

Hmmm. You got one truth already, you might as well hear another one. Ummm… okay. I… I'm… afraid. There. I said it. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of even getting close to a human girl. That's half the reason I stayed so nonchalant about April. That and also that I could see she and Casey were perfect.

Anyway, I'm afraid of an attachment with any human girl. I feel vulnerable if I open my heart and let out my feelings. I never do. I'm the biggest guy of the four of us, meant to be a protector that has no emotional weakness. That's what my brothers have come to expect. You could say I have a reason to be scared.

Alright. Maybe that's half my fault. After acting like that for so long, of course it's something they've come to expect. Now I have to keep it up. It's not easy. I almost went hysterical when Splinter died. He died about a year ago. Less than a year ago. I still remember it.

Good old master Splinter. I went so crazy, I went up to the roof to blow off… everything. After punching the wall a few times, I had collapsed, crying. That's very different for me. I don't cry. Mikey had come up and found me like that. I tried to deny it, but he knew. He sat next to me for a while, and to my surprise, promised not to tell.

I am forever grateful to Mikey. Though he knew that if he ever told, I would be after him in a second, ready to beat his brains out. There it is. My tough side again. It will always be there. It always has been. It will never leave.

It could be redirected, lessened, or eased, but it will never leave. It's who I am. It's my security blanket. Without it, I am vulnerable and weak. But… It clouds my caring side. I can't love and hate at the same time. That's what gets me into trouble and fights with Leo.

Well, there ya have it. That's me in a turtle shell. Ha. I know. Not funny. I just had to say it. Anyway, that's my life. My background. My family. My heart. And me. There's always me. What am I? I am anger. I am aggression. I am instinct. I am a mutant ninja turtle that travels the rooftops, saving people every night.

I run the rooftops, waiting for the day I get a friend. I wait for the day I meet someone who loves me for me. Who will tell me it's okay when things go wrong. To tell me they think that I'm not ugly, even if it's not true. I'm waiting for that person. It's a long shot, but it could happen.

By the way… my name is Raphael.


	2. Chapter 2

**this one was easy to go over again. this chapter and the next are a lot like Lee's pov. the next one is a little different though.**

**Ch. 2**

No one notices the dark shadow up on the rooftops. It's been the same all my life. No one watches the roofs. I'm used to it. I travel all of New York by the rooftops. After doing this almost my whole life, I'm pretty good at getting where I want to go.

Every day's the same. I'm either at home or up here on the roof. Either with my brothers or alone. It's always the same. The one thing that isn't the same is the people I save or fight. Routine is getting kinda boring.

I stop on my roof. I go over and lean against a wall, watching the sun set. The view is perfect from up here. Anyone who lives down there is missing a beautiful thing. Yeah. Sappy. I know. I like to be comfortable too ya know. But it really is pretty. One of the very few things I call that.

It was warm today, but I can tell by the breeze that it's gonna get chilly tonight. The perfect night to find someone to bust and beat down. Yeah. I'm bored, uptight, and as Mikey said earlier, "cranky" tonight. I need to do something physical. Something to get all of this extra energy out.

I'm sitting against the same wall, on the same roof, watching the same thing, doing the same thing. Thinking. I lean against the wall, thinking of whatever comes to mind. Today is somewhat different. My mind is totally blank. I stand up as the sun sets. Time to find some trouble.

***

I've busted a few people tonight, though nothing exciting. I'm up on the roofs again. I'm headed toward the park to see if there's anything going on there. I sit on the edge of a roof as I look around, taking a break. Then I notice something. There _is _something different. In the park.

Someone is sitting… no… laying on the bench in the park. I watch as they suddenly jerk to an upright position. It's a girl. By the light of the moon, I can see her light colored hair fan around her face when she jerks up. What is she doing out here? Shouldn't she be home?

I watch as she hugs her knees. Is she crying? Had she had a nightmare? Is she okay? Alright. Too many questions. As I'm asking myself these questions, I see movement in the shadows not far from where she is. Perfect.

She gets up, pulling the hood of her jacket up and her sleeves down as she starts walking, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. Homeless? But why? Then I see them. Three men follow her from a distance. Cool. Time to kick some butt.

I follow from the rooftops as she walks. I notice not too fast, but she definitely either knows or feels as if someone's following her. She looks tense. As if she's ready to take down anyone who decides to mess with her. Does she seriously expect to take on a fight?

I watch as she turns down an ally that has a dead end. Awesome. I stay hidden as she notices and turns around. I don't know why I don't jump down as soon as the guys appear. I just… feel the need to stay put. So that's what I do. I watch.

I watch as the man in the middle steps forward. He's obviously the leader. I'm surprised the girl doesn't back away. I can't see his face, but I can hear the grin as he talks. You won't be grinnin' by the time I'm done with ya.

"Well look'e here boys. A girl, all alone. No where to run and no one to protect her." The other men laugh.

All I think is: _You wanna bet?_

"What do you think we should do with her?" I fight to stay quiet as the men laugh and step forward. For some reason, I feel more protective over this girl. I don't know. I just want to beat the shell outta these guys right now. I watch in amazement as the girl drops her backpack.

"Well. Looks like we've got a fighter here." He turns to her. "What're you gonna do? You're just a little girl all alone. You can't possibly beat us."

Again, all I think is: _"You wanna bet?"_

The girl pulls up her sleeves and pushes back her hood. Wow. She doesn't look too bad for living on the stre-Wait. What am I thinking? Just save the girl and go. It's that simple. Remember? Yeah.

No matter how many times I say that to myself, I find myself watching her. She doesn't move an inch as the leader looks down on her. Then he talks. "Let's keep this one for a while." I clench my fists. Not if I have something to say about that.

Then they go at her. I freeze right before I jump down. I find myself amazed at the way she handles the situation. She doesn't fight back. She dodges them. I watch smugly as she dodges them again and again, frustrating them. It gets even better when they decide to stop.

They catch their breath, but the girl just stands completely still, glaring at the ones blocking her exit. I'm surprised when the leader goes at her again. She dodges the other two guys, but I see her stop short at the leader. Then I see why.

The freakin' cheater has a knife! She stops just short enough so that she isn't stabbed, but the stop gives the others the advantage. The other men throw her to the ground. I tense up, ready to jump down, but she rolls to her feet. I like this girl.

The leader walks up to her and puts his knife down to her throat, making her stand up. "I'm tired of playing this game," I hear him growl. Before I can react, he's thrown her head into the wall. I snap.

I leap down from the roof and land between the men and the girl, cutting them off from her. "Back off."

"What the…" Before he can finish, I'm going at him. I make easy work of all of them, grab the girl and her bag, and go down into the sewers.

Leo's gonna love this. I look down at her as I head towards the lair. She's very light, but not too skinny. She isn't starving or things like that. Blond, kinda short, and… pretty. What am I doin' bringing her down here? I don't know.

I go into the lair to see Mike playing a video game on the couch. "Hey Mike. Get up. Now." I drop her bag by the door.

He doesn't argue, probably hearing my urgent tone, and pauses his game before turning my way. His blue eyes get real wide when he sees the girl in my arms. "Raph, what are you doin'?"

I grin. "I was just askin' myself the same thing." I lay her down and turn to him. "She was attacked. They threw her head against a wall." I sit down in a chair next to her head, getting ready for the lectures. "Don! I need your help!"

I look up at him as he comes down the stairs. Then he sees her. "You didn't."

"No Don. You're just seein' things."

"Raph!" He comes to look at her. "Why?"

"She needed help." I grin as he sighs. "Jus' look at her head genius." I cringe inwardly as I hear Leo coming.

He stops and stares at the scene in front of him. "He didn't."

Don glares up. "He did."

Mikey starts to snicker as Leo comes forward. "I can't believe this."

I stare coolly up at him. I shrug and look to Don. He's checking her head now. Mikey turns to him. "Do ya think she's okay?"

"She's fine. Just a bump on the head is all," he answers.

Leo turns to me. "Why did you bring her here?"

"I couldn't just leaver her out cold in the ally could I? Besides, she lived on the streets." I glare at him defiantly.

"You don't know that," he hisses back.

I'm about to start a fight when I hear her groan. "Dude. She's waking up," Mikey comments, always pointing out the obvious. Her eyes open. "You okay?" Mikey asks.

"Yeah Mike. She got her head thrown into a brick wall and she's just fine," I answer for her, glaring at him.

Leo turns to us. "Cut it out guys." He turns to me. "Quiet. With that attitude you'll scare her."

I only glare at him. I watch Don turn to her. "Hey. How do you feel?" he asks. We all turn to her as she looks to each one of us, sitting up.

"I have a headache," she replies somewhat cautiously.

"That's understandable." I watch him study her for a second. I know why. She's not freakin' out. That's different.

"What?" Wow. Never woulda took her for someone so touchy.

I turn to her. "Hey. Cool it. He's just tryen to figure out why you're not freakin' out." I'm surprised when she answers.

"Sorry to disappoint you." Oooh. Attitude. Cool. I think I like her. I turn away some to hide a small grin. I listen.

She turns back to Don. "Why would I freak out? You've given me no reason to freak." Finally. Someone reasonable. Or… is she crazy?

Leo answers. "Freaking out is the reaction we usually get."

I turn to him. "Not Casey."

Leo nods. "We all know Casey is crazy."

"Whoah. Wait. Someone else knows about you?" she asks. Her calmness is really starting to get to me. There must be something wrong with her head.

Leo turns to her, smiling. "Let me just tell you our story."

I sit back and listen as Leo tells her our story. He tells her everything. It's like April all over again. Only this time… there's no Splinter. I sigh inwardly. I keep listening as Leo finishes up.

She sits back. "Wow." That's all she says. Ha. As I said, easy to tell, hard to take in. She then proceeds to match names again. She has a pretty good memory. I freeze when she gets to me. "Raphael."

I look up to her and meet her eyes. A wave runs through me. I see it does the same with her. No one else notices. "Raph," I answer, trying to control my emotions that are suddenly a massive storm inside of me. I can't hope. I can't get attached to this girl. No.

She nods and leans back on the couch. "Going to freak out yet?" Mikey asks her.

She smiles at him. "No. I think I'm good." Wow. I love her smile.

Leo breaks the comfortable silence. "So what about you? I'm sure you have a story." I watch her think before she answers.

I find myself listening intently to her. I notice it's more of an overview than a story, but I don't care. It sounds bad enough how it is. It sit back when she's done. And I thought our story was hard to handle.

Leo answers her story like she did ours. "Wow."

Don't turns to her as Mikey thinks. "So you _do_ live on the streets?"

She shrugs. "Yeah. Three years now." She makes it seem like such a normal thing. No big deal sorta attitude.

Mikey turns to her. "You could live with us." Yes! I was hoping he'd say that! I watch her reaction, hoping she says yes. I look away when she looks to me, hiding the corner of a smile threatening to give me away.

I start to think. She's not afraid of us, so why wouldn't she stay? I see the doubt in her eyes as she says no to Leo and Mikey. Then I get it. "Hey. You can trust us. We won't hurt you, and no one else can hurt you with us. We have a safe place for you to stay. Take it."

Leo nods as she thinks. It seems as if I was the main opinion here. She smiles. "Thanks." Yes! I hide another smile. What's wrong with me? No. Not me. Her. She's gotten me to smile a lot. Great. I'm gettin' attached.

I watch as Mikey sweeps Lee into his arms. "Welcome to the world's weirdest family," he says happily.

She tenses up in his arms. I can see the way she tries not to freak out. I turn to him. "Mike. Put her down." I use my serious voice to get his attention.

Mike sets her down. She pulls the sleeves of her jacket down. I can tell she's real nervous, but she aims a small smile at me. I nod to her thanks. She looks really cute when she's nervous. The way she- Stop! She's beautiful! There's no way she'll even think of you like that! Wait. What was that wave that went between us?

Leo notices her nervousness. "We aren't going to hurt you okay?"

She nods as she looks around. "Where's my backpack?"

"Don't worry. I grabbed it for ya." I go to pick up her bag from where I dropped it by the door.

"You're room will be next to Raph's. I'll make sure it's ready." Thanks a lot Don. Now her _room_ is next to _mine_? I can't seem to get away from her.

Leo stands up as I walk back to her. "You have free roam of the place. Just don't leave without one of us. You could get lost in the sewers." Great Leo. Scare the girl why don't ya.

I hand Lee her backpack and we head upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**I had to rewrite a lot of this one at the end. but i think i like how it turned out. **

* * *

**Ch. 3**

Don goes past us telling Lee her room is ready as we go down the hall. I name our rooms off as we go by and take her to hers. "This is yours." I step back and watch her go in. She sits down on her bed as I lean on her doorframe.

I look around the room. It's kinda plain. "Feel free to make yourself at home. I'll call April and Casey later for you to meet them. Maybe April can take you shopping. I mean, for stuff for your room."

She smiles up at me. "Thanks." I love her smile.

I smile back. "Next time you pick a fight with someone, it's better if there's only one."

I see realization in her eyes and some of the fear leave. Yes. "_You _were the one who saved me?"

I shrug. "Yeah." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Why?"

What? "Why? Because those guys were gonna…" a shiver runs through me. "I don't even wanna think about it."

"But… why would anyone fight for me? I'm nothing special." She falls back on her bed and sighs. Wow. Major self-esteem issues.

"You don't have to be special to be protected. Or cared for." I let that sink in before continuing. "Besides, that's what we do. We fight for the ones who need saving."

"Wow. That sounds cool."

I laugh. "Whatever." I turn to Leo as he comes to the door.

"Hey. Don was talking to April. She said we should all come over. Do you want to Lee?"

"Sure." Leo leaves as she changes her jacket. I quickly look to her face as she turns around to face me. Apparently she didn't know I was still here. She glares at me. "Why are you still here?"

I hold up my hands. "I'm jus' waitin'. I let her out of her room.

She glares up at me as she walks past. "For what?"

I try to hold in a laugh. "You."

"Am I _really_ that funny to you?"

I can hear the annoyance in her voice and I laugh. "I'm not laughin' at you."

"Then what _are _you laughing at?"

I really like this girl. She plays along well. "Nothin'. Jus'… relax." She sighs. I study her as we go through the sewers. I can see the nervousness in her eyes, but she walks with such confidence. She hides her feelings very well. We head up to the roof.

We head to April's after establishing that Lee could hold her own in alley jumping. Apparently she can jump pretty far for how small she is. But anyway, we get to April's and introduce them to each other. Luckily April doesn't ask any questions. We go into the living room.

After April and Lee talk for a while, they have a day planned to go shopping. Wohoo. That was sarcastic I hope you know. Anyway, I'm about to relax. I lean my head back in the chair to listen to Lee talk just as Casey walks in.

I have never seen a girl get so freaked out over Casey before. But Lee… she stiffens instantly. I slowly sit up as Casey shuts the door and walks over to us. I see Lee grip the armrest of the couch as he gets closer. She looks like she's trying to rip the arms off. I put my hand to her arm.

Her hand relaxes instantly to my touch. She turns to me. "Relax. He's a friend." She nods and turns to him and Leo as Leo introduces her. When she sees Casey's smile, I see some of her nervousness melt away. Hmph. Casey's 'look how cut I am' smile.

Leo tells Casey what he told April, but adding the touchiness to guys info in. Casey holds up his hands. "I am totally safe sweetheart. Any friend of theirs, is a friend of mine and therefore worth protecting. Not hurting."

Okay Casey. You say one more sweet word or gesture and I swear you'll have me to deal with later. I know. I shouldn't be threatening him for just talking to her. Leave me be. I'm jealous right now. Great. Now he holds out his hand?

"You don't have to shake it." *Internal sigh inserted here*

Her smile widens. Wow. She is so-No! Stop! F***! Why her? Why me? Okay. Calm down. Don't lose control and scare her. That wouldn't be good. She doesn't need more fear. Wait. She's taking his hand?

I watch and listen as they all start to talk again. I can't believe this. She's already accepted Casey. Am I really that much more intimidating? Ouch. That hurts. More than it should. Great. I'm jealous. What have I gotten myself into? A world of pain and heartbreak, that's what.

I am so glad when we start to leave. We go through the window and start across the rooftops again. I watch her the whole way. She really is amazing. I mean, so scared, yet so confident. So small, yet so strong. So low in self-esteem, yet so… beautiful. Great. There I go again. Someone kill me. Just kill me now.

I see her watching the sky as the others climb down the building towards home. I casually sit down against my usual wall as I call out, "You wanna wait for the sunrise?"

She turns to Mike, who nods. "You can stay if you want Lee. Raph can bring you home."

She turns back to me. "Sure." I smile as Mikey leaves, calling his 'see ya later' over his shoulder.

I watch her go to the edge of the roof and sit down. I watch the sky change colors in front of her for a while. I think of something to say to distract myself from my thoughts. "I'd come and sit by you, but it's getting too light out. Someone could see."

She turns to me and smiles. Wow. "If you want me to come sit by you, all you have to do is ask."

*Internal sigh* Yeah. I wish. But that wouldn't help me any. "No. I was just letting you know I wasn't avoiding you." I could hear Mike now. _Lame. So lame Raph._

She laughs. "I know you aren't avoiding me. The way you've been watching me. As if I would decide to leave at any second."

Oops. Did she notice that? Ah shell. Some ninja you are. You'd better think up some excuse quick Raph. "Nah. Yer a new friend. I don't know how danger prone you are, so I jus' watch ta make sure." Hmm. Not bad.

I grin at her when she scowls. "I've lived on the streets for 3 years. I'd be dead. I'm not danger prone. Just nightmare ridden."

My grin fades at this. Her face returns to the sky. "You have nightmares?"

She doesn't turn to me. I can tell she's trying to keep it from seeming like a big deal. "Yeah. So if you hear me at night, it's just a nightmare."

Alright. I've had many nightmares that have made me make noise when I wake up or in my sleep. "I wouldn't say _just _a nightmare. They're a bigger deal than you make 'em out ta be. Nightmares keep you awake at night 'n make it so that ya don't want ta sleep. I hate 'em."

"Whatever. I'm just warning you."

So much hidden fear. Yet so much strength for someone so small. I watch her stand as the sky begins to return to blue. She turns to me. "Thanks for staying up here with me."

We head down to the sewers. "No. Thanks for trustin' me." I smile when she turns to me.

She smiles back. "You're welcome."

Wow. Her smile. I have to get my mind off her. So we start to talk. It doesn't help. We start talkin' about anything that comes to mind. Favorite colors, foods, movies, and everyone's birthdays. You name it, we told it. All the tiny details anyway. By the time we get home, I feel as if she's loosening up. Just a little.

She leans on the couch behind Mike as I sit in one of the chairs. She says hi to him in answer to his greeting. They talk a little. She smiles at me before leaving. I watch her as he leaves. She ascends the stairs and disappears out of sight at the top.

As soon as she's out of hearing distance, Mike turns to me. I look away from him to the T.V. I hear a laugh forming. "Say a word and you'll find yourself at the wrong end of a punch into the wall and wake up with a really painful headache tomorrow." I take great pride in the way Mike's eyes open really wide.

He turns back to the T.V. "So violent. Be careful you don't scare _her_."

I throw a pillow at him. When he's about to throw it back, I give him a warning glare. "Mike. You better listen to that very quiet voice of reason inside your head that you never listen to."

He slowly puts the pillow down. I turn back to the T.V., fighting to keep a straight face. I stay with him for a while before going up to check on her. I find her asleep on her bed, but not covered up.

I smile, walking into the room. I lift up her legs with one hand, pulling back the covers out from under her sleeping figure with the other. I take off her shoes and cover her up. I brush her hair out of her face. I leave the room, glancing at her one more time before shutting the door and walking away.

***

A week. Has it really been that long? I lean against her doorframe, watching her sleep. I've given up trying to avoid her. It seemed to upset her as much as it did me. I just have to admit it to myself and hide it from her. I can't keep my eyes off of her. But I won't ever be able to claim her. She isn't mine to claim.

I go to her bed, fix her covers, and close the door as I leave. I go down to the dojo. I'm here a half-hour before the others come in. Then we start training. It's become my routine for the past couple of days. Check on Lee, burn energy, then fight with my brothers.

Lee shows up an hour and a half later and leans against the door. I try to keep my mind focused and away from her, but this morning, something's different. I find myself distracted and finally give up after a while.

I make it seem as if I just noticed her as I stop and walk over. I smile as I look her over. Many barriers have broken down. Today, she isn't wearing a jacket and is actually wearing jeans. She lets her hair fall over her shoulders into her face as I walk up.

She's so cute when she's embarrassed. She looks up at me when I step in front of her. I smile down at her. "So _that's_ what you look like."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

After everyone else says their good mornings, we go off to her room. She doesn't seem uncomfortable with me being here anymore. She used to move around kind of stiffly. As if I was someone to be feared. She seemed ready to defend herself all the time.

I was always understanding about that. But it makes me happy to see that she isn't scared of me anymore. Like on the way up here. She said that me being around her made her feel safe. And that had made me feel awesome. I'm not the smallest of my brothers. And to see her so relaxed around me so soon when it seems she's still wary of the others… it just makes me happy.

She's digging around in her desk now. I look around her room. She and April seemed to have fun redoing her room. It looked like it would be worse than it was before instead of better when they were painting it. The paint was more on them than the walls. But she seemed to be having fun. After they finally cleaned up and finished, we helped move the furniture back in. And I sat on her bed as they set things up.

I think that's why she's not nervous around me anymore. Because she saw that I wasn't watching her to be creepy. That I just like sitting back and watching things. Unless it's action. Then I'm in on it. But that day, she seemed to finally relax. And she smiled. A lot. I'm glad that she and April connected so easily. I like seeing her smile.

She's smiling as she turns to me now. She comes over and sits next to me on her bed, leaning back against the wall like me. She has a sketchpad that she had bought the other day. I tilt my head at her, grinning. "I didn't know you could draw. You didn't say anything about that the other day when we were talking."

She shrugs. "You didn't ask. Besides. I'm not that good. I haven't drawn in a while. Never actually sat down to." She flips open the first page.

All I can do is stare. I watch her touch up a few things on the already nearly perfect drawing. It's a dog sketched and shaded to perfection. "Not that good? Lee, this is… amazing. What kind of dog is that?"

"A Doberman," she answers. "I saw it walking down the street yesterday. They're pretty dogs."

"You saw it walking down the street and you were able to draw it when you got home? That's… pretty amazing."

She grins, looking up to me. "Here's something else you don't know about me. I have a photographic memory."

I blink. "You do?"

"To a point. As long as I want to remember it, it stays. When I don't need it or want it anymore, I don't think about it anymore and it goes away."

"Wow."

She goes back to drawing. I watch her start sketching something else. As it goes, I realize it's the park. I watch in amazement as she sketches every detail of the park to the foot on that paper. I find myself gaping and have to close my mouth a few times when I realize what I'm doing.

I laugh a short laugh in shock. "Lee, I don't ever want to hear you say you can't draw again." I shake me head in wonder.

I'm in there a long time. As she draws, her head slowly leans towards my shoulder. Soon enough, she's laying her head against it as she draws. As her hand gets slower and slower, she falls asleep. I don't move, leaning my head on hers and eventually falling asleep too.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is pretty much what you read in Lee's pov in Raph's pov. I think these are key points and could be left in even though it's just repeating itself. **

* * *

**Ch. 4**

Three weeks. That has to be_ some_ kind of sign that she's staying. Right? She _can't_ leave now. Everything's going great. She's comfortable around even Casey now. Well, mostly. She is very easy going now. She just _has_ to stay.

I see her helping Don sometimes with something, playing video games with Mikey, and even meditating with Leo a few rare times. With me? Ha. We get bored and do whatever we feel like doing. She helped me fix a problem with my shell cycle before. I was impressed. And I have to admit, her tiny hands were helpful reaching into some parts. I think that was last week. Anyway, tonight, it's roof jumping.

We're headed back to the lair now. I turn to her. "You look tired."

"I'm fine. Nice try though." Oh darn. That was sarcastic. Jus' lettin' you know.

I put my arm around her shoulders as she steps closer. I love the way she seems to relax under my arm. As if she feels safer. I know how she feels. I can't be angry around her. I've traded most of my anger for her. She's just so calming. She's become my new security… person.

Anyway, I argue that she should get the first shower as we walk in, but she gets her way. As usual. She goes to her room as I head to the bathroom. I hurry through my shower to keep from keeping her waiting. And to keep from thinking to myself.

I knock on her doorframe and look into her room when I'm done. It's dark. And… empty. Uh oh. Not good. I turn on the light. I look on her bed. Shell. There's no backpack. Okay. Not good. But don't panic Raphie boy. She could be downstairs.

I struggle to stay calm as I check the living room, dojo, and other rooms when I can't find her. I panic. I freeze in the middle of the living room. Okay. Where would she go? Wait. The park. If she's really as attached as I think she is, she can't leave yet. Knowing her, she'd have to think it through.

I grab the trench coat and hat and run out the door. I throw them on as I run through the sewers. Okay. Fastest way would be the rooftops. So that's what I do. I leap from roof to roof, not slowing down until I reach the one I want. I still look out for her in case she isn't at the park.

I scan the park and breathe a sigh of relief. Yep. There she is. Same bench as last time. I make my way over to her, sitting down next to her. I have to hold myself back from hugging her when I see her crying. I see her tense up when I sit down. Oops. She doesn't now it's me.

"It's not safe bein' out here alone ya know." I smile to myself when she visibly relaxes. Much better.

"Nice. Give me a heart attack will ya. How did you find me so fast?"

"I saw you sittin' out here the day you got jumped. Before ya got up and they started followin' you."

"Oh."

I lean closer and put my arm around her on the back of the bench. "Why'dya leave? You looked happy earlier."

She sighs. "I can't stay." Wow. That sure tells me a lot.

I think for a second. Then it comes to me. "I get it. Yer one of those people who get what they want before they freak out and leave, afraid it will jus' disappoint them or disappear. Right?" Ouch.

I turn to her as she looks up at me. "Wow. You are very perceptive when you wanna be."

I grin down at her, but it fades as she looks away. I sigh. "Lee. C'mon. Don't leave. Please. We won't disappear." I promise. "I can't promise you we won't disappoint you, but we'll _try _not to. Please Lee. All you're doing by runnin' away is hurting yourself. And… us. Don't leave." Please. For me.

I let her think it over for a few minutes. When she doesn't answer, I decide to try something different. Leaving _her_ instead of _her_ leaving _us. _A different feeling. "If ya ever wanna come home, we'll be waitin' for ya."

As I start walking, I start pleading with her internally to come. I listen and listen. Then I hear it. "Raph wait!" I sigh quietly in relief as I stop. I slowly turn around to her standing, grabbing her bag, and running towards me.

I open my arms as she jumps into them. I hold her tightly as I swing her around. "Is the offer still open?" She whispers the question.

"Always," I answer. I set her down. "C'mon. Let's go home." She takes my hand and we walk home together. I walk her to the lair and up to her room.

"You can get a shower in the mornin'. You need ta sleep." Now of course she fights it. So I just pick her up and put her firmly in her bed. I lean down to her as I tuck her in. "Good. Night."

I grin when she sighs. When I get to the door, she whispers, "Thank you."

I turn around as I'm shutting the door. "Always," I repeat. I shut the door and go to my room. I will always bring her home.

***

I lay in bed a second. What had woken me up? It's been four months since I rescued Lee. Things have been going good. So what's wrong? I lay here for a few more seconds before getting up to check on her. I can feel it. Somethin's not right.

As I'm going to her door, I remember what she said about having nightmares. I look in to see her gasping for air. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her tight, but I don't want her to be uncomfortable. So I just sit down next to her.

I put my arm around her and slowly and soothingly shush her. I wait patiently for her to settle down. When she leans closer against me, I tighten my arm. I watch as she starts moving her fingers over my other hand. I wait for her to talk.

"I feel so small." She looks up at me. That's right sweetheart. Let it out. "That's why I get scared so easily. I hated living on the streets. It was so dark and you never knew when someone would just decide to hurt you. Like when you came."

She starts to cry. I'm shocked. She's like a child right now. So small and scared. So soft on the inside with a hard outer exterior. All of her walls are in ruins. She's totally open now. And I hate what I see. So much hidden pain. Fear of being alone.

I feel a great urge to protect her from everything. All forces of pain. She's so scared. But she tries to be tough. Alone. And I don't like that. I put my other hand on top of hers. "No matter how small you feel, I'll be there to protect you. Me and my brothers."

She looks up to me with tears in her eyes. "What about Casey?"

I know what she's asking. Can she trust Casey to protect her? Or will he just be another thing to ram her through. "Casey too."

She leans her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her again. I'm startled as she crawls into my lap. I'm happy too, but what dream could she have had to get so scared? It unnerves me. I tighten my arms around her as she relaxes.

I calm myself before speaking to get my softer voice back. "No matter what, I'll always be there for you." I hold her until I'm sure she's asleep. Then I tuck her in and leave, closing the door behind me.

I walk to my room and sit in my hammock. So she's apparently not as tough as she acts. She has a soft side to her that she covers up when she needs to protect herself from something. Mostly emotions. But she does have a fighter side to her. Like I saw that night in the alley.

But what I don't get is… why does she hide it from us? We could help her. Make her feel safe. I'd do whatever I can to make her feel safe. Heck, I'd get her a nightlight. Though I don't think the dark is something she's scared of. But seriously. I hope she comes to me more. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help her.


	5. Chapter 5

**so... i did have this chapter different. but i decided since this was about Raph, it should be more than just rescuing Lee. It should have other times he remembers. So i did some time jumping. this first part is mentioned in Remember. I decided it would be something good to type up. and the last part... youll figure it out.**

**

* * *

**

**Ch. 5**

**  
**

It's been two years since I saved Lee. We're really close now. Don calls us inseparable. We're always together. And I can't be more thrilled with how much she seems to like my company as much as I like hers. Especially right now.

I don't think I've ever seen her so sick. Sure, she's gotten sick before, but not like this. I mean, she's so weak. She can't keep anything down. I've had to help her to the bathroom a few times. Her being stubborn, it's hard to help her without a fight.

I'm headed to Don's room now. Leo's in Lee's room watching her. She's asleep now, so I don't feel bad about leaving. I think Don's trying to find out what's wrong with her. I lean against the doorframe. "So?"

He turns to me. "Food poisoning."

It takes a second for that to sink in. When it does, I stiffen. "Who made dinner last night?"

Don doesn't answer. I think he's trying to evaluate what I'm going to do. But I remember anyway. Mikey. Before I can get two feet away from his bedroom door, I find myself pinned under him, on my stomach, trying to get away. This surprises me. He's not usually this physical.

"Leo!"

"Donnie get off!"

"Leo!"

I struggle to get out of his hold as Leo comes running down the hallway. He freezes when he sees Donnie pinning me down. I'm still struggling to get away. The same thoughts are running through my head over and over again.

It's Mikey's fault. _He_ made her sick. _He_ made her like this. It's _his _fault she's miserable.

"Mike!"

I'm about to get rolled over to throw Don off when Leo finally realizes what I'm trying to do and helps Don hold me down. "Raph stop! What are you doing?"

"It's his fault she's sick. He-" I break off when pain shoots up my arm, my sentence tapering off to a growl. My arm is bent to a painful position. I turn my head to glare up at Don with one eye. Now, as agrivating this is, I can't help but be amused by what I see when I look up at him with the only eye that can get around to see him without moving my arm.

He has my arm positioned with _one_ hand. That's it. He's just _sitting_ on my shell. And that _one _hand is holding my arm so that the slightest push will hurt. Stupid smart braniac brother. Knows how to hold me down without having to go against my muscle. _He_ isn't _using_ a muscle. "Don. Let me go."

"Listen for a second Raph. This isn't Mikey's fault. There was a recall. He doesn't watch much news. He didn't know the food was tainted. Nothing he did contributed to Lee being sick." He doesn't move as he lets that information sink in.

I calm myself down. I finally relax. I guess it wasn't his fault. Lee will get better soon. But still… I sigh, resting my head on the floor, still mad, but now almost humiliated with the fact that Don pinned me down. "Let me up." Neither of them move. I roll my eyes. "I'm not gonna hurt him."

Leo stands up, Don following after a second. Leo turns to him as I head off back to Lee's room. "Where is Mikey?"

"He's out skateboarding. Got bored without Lee."

Leo chuckles. "And since _when_ do _you_ tackle Raph to the ground?"

I hear him chuckle behind me. "You know how he is when someone does anything to Lee to hurt her."

"True," Leo answers.

I grin to myself. Good. Let them be forewarned. I go into Lee's room to see her sitting up. My grin fades when she looks at me with _that_ look. "You gonna be sick?" She nods. I grab her and head to the backroom. I set her down in front of the toilet, pulling her hair out of her face.

She begins to lightly push me away. I roll my eyes. We've gone through this already. I take that arm and tuck it against her side, keeping my arm around her. "I'm not going anywhere. So stop trying to push me away."

She sighs lightly before she's not able to do that anymore. I hold her tightly against me, holding her now frail form up. She feels like she's ready to collapse. When she's done, I help her stand and watch her wash up. She looks to me from in the mirror. "You don't need to see me do this all the time," she grumbles lightly.

I smile. "As gross as it is, I'd rather be here than anywhere else right now. If your sick, I'll always be right beside you ready to do anything you need. Besides, I help keep your hair clean."

She laughs lightly at that. When she turns to me, she hugs me. "Thanks."

As she steps back, I lift her into my arms. She opens her mouth. "Don't argue."

She closes it, scowling up at me before just relaxing in my arms.

I kiss the top of her head as I carry her back to her room. "Alright hon. Don says it's food poisoning. If that's so, it should be almost over."

"Good," she murmurs.

I sit on the edge of her bed. "Tell me about it. I hate seeing you sick as much as you hate _being_ sick." I stay with her until she falls back to sleep.

***

It's been three years since I saved Lee. I'm more in love with her now than I've ever been before. She's become my light in life. She's the reason I wake up every morning. The reason I don't make any rash decisions when we're patrolling. Promising to come back to her every time.

She doesn't know I love her like this. I've never told her. I probably never will. Because she doesn't deserve someone like me. If she tells me she loves me then I'll definitely answer. But until then, I'll leave the possibility of her finding some perfect human guy open.

I know she loves me. But I don't know how much. I've stayed with her when she's sick and hear her mumble my name a few times, but I never figure out if it's because she subconsciously knows I'm there or if she actually thinks about me that much. And she always comes to me when she's scared. I love that. I love feeling the trust she has in me to protect her.

She's probably on her way back from April's right now. She was over there for some girly chick-flick movie night. I'm not as restless as I used to be when she would leave alone. But tonight, I'm more on edge than usual. She's late. If she isn't back in the next few minutes, I'm going out to run to April's and hopefully find her there or catch her on her way here.

I look to the clock. Twenty minutes late. I'm nervous now. She's never late. This is the reason I decide to leave right now instead of waiting. I grab my gear and head out to April's. I keep praying that I'll run into her as I go. I don't. When I get to April's and knock on the window, Casey answers.

"Hey man. What's up?"

I climb through the window. "Is Lee still here?"

He frowns. "No. She left an hour ago. She said she was going to a pizza place. I offered to go with her but she said she'd be going right home."

My blood runs cold. I know what place he's talking about. It's only 5 minutes from here. She should have been home by now. An hour ago.

"Why? Did she not go home?" he asks, his face becoming a mask of worry just like mine.

"No," I choke out. I turn to the window and leap out, taking off as fast as I can towards home. I have to get to Donnie. I have to get to him so he can track her phone. I am vaguely aware of Casey following me though farther behind. I can't really expect him to be able to keep up with me.

I get to the lair in record time. I run to Don's lab, calling out for him as I go. "Donnie!"

He opens the door to his lab and his eyes open wide when he sees me running full tilt towards him. I skid to a stop as he asks, "What is it Raph? What's wrong?"

"Lee left Casey and April's an hour ago and didn't make it home," I get out between pants. "Track her phone." I'm about to collapse. I can't stand the worst-case scenarios that are running through my head right now.

Don grabs my arm and leads me to his chair. He sits me down in it and begins to type on his computer. I try to block out my mind which I'm _sure_ hates me now. I look at the way his jaw is clenched as he does whatever he's doing to track her phone on his computer. I realize this will not just be a blow for me. It'll hurt us all.

Casey runs in out of breath as Don works and I try to calm myself down. I need to be calm. If we have to go out to look for Lee, I need to be calm. When Don's fist hits his desk, my head snaps up to look at him. He looks down to me. "It's not picking up signal."

It takes all of two seconds to decide what to do. She's had trouble before. I swear the girl is a magnet for trouble. "We're going out to look for her. Get Leo and Mikey. Case, you'll go with me." I take off.

I run all over New York. I do it again. Leo, Mikey, Don, and Casey do too. And again. No sign of her. None at all. But I won't rest. I will never rest. Until I find her, I will not give up. I will give all it takes to find her and bring her home. And when I do, I'll tell her how I feel.

My heart is sinking now. And I feel as if I should have told her. Told her how much I loved her, just to see if she loved me the same. Because she's everything to me. She always has been. Ever since she came to us I felt a connection. And I'm not about to let her go without a fight. Without telling her.

I will look for her as long as it takes. Because I didn't get a chance to tell her what I need to. Because I'm not ready to lose her. I'm not ready to let her go without making sure what I feel from her is what is really there. I will find her. And then I will give her my heart. I will give her all of me.

* * *

**yep. this is the last chapter. but this is where Things Left Unsaid comes in...**


End file.
